Thoughts Like Leaking Dreams

Thoughts Like Leaking Dreams

sunsetcradle

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BlueREP's High School Musical!	[Feb. 16th, 2007\|01:34 am]

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Frustrated incorporated

[Jan. 25th, 2007|08:45 pm]

[

Current Mood

stressed

]

It's been ageeeeeeeees since i blogged. My writing skills have probably gone down the drain, so you'll have to bear with my incoherent sentences and such, if ever. Anyway, for updates, school and rehearsals have withered me to bits. I don't know how many times i've felt like jumping off a cliff to just get it over with, or cried out of frustration. And i've been sick 3 times already! that's the most times i've ever gotten sick during the duration of a play. Geez. What's worse is even the less important things like PE is getting on my nerves. I am probably anything BUT the sporty type, although i try to be, so no matter how hard i try or how much my "head is in the game", i really just suck at badminton. Ugh, i'd rather go back to running even if i hated it at the start. But it's just so frustrating when you come home really late and exhausted but you have to wake up for a 7 o'clock class that you'll just feel worthless in, anyway.Grrrr.

Anyways. I've been really s-a-b-o-g lately, too. Ever since last week and that emergency sleepover stint at anina's house for our theo project that was due the next day, i've been feeling like the living dead.Seriously.Falling asleep in class (even in French! and i LOVE French!), finding deserted/unoccupied classrooms to sleep in (yes, sadly i do this. i like it there better than in the library which is too cold, and at least if i jerk in my sleep, no one's there to witness it.hahaha, i've learned from last year. Pluuus, the classroom is nearer to the bathroom and my shared locker), and even losing track if i've eaten already or not. All i know is, regardless of what time rehearsals start, from 5:30 to 9:30 pm, blueREP owns me.My lola's been telling me that she's gonna rent out my bed space already since she claims i'm hardly home! (that's jokingly, of course....at least i hope so.) There have even been times where i really felt like i couldn't do it anymore. And even if i tried my very best to do everything right so i wouldn't get reprimanded, it's just no good. FRUSTRATED has been my number one status since December. But then again, that's what everyone in theater goes through. And even though i sometimes feel like quitting, at the end of a good day of rehearsals, i remember why i'm still there in the first place. And i guess that's enough.

Oh well. this si totally out of the topic, but i just got the idea from Oli's blog, heehee! What fun,what fun :)

P.S: okay, NONE of them look like me. Harumph.

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when coffee kicks in

[Dec. 3rd, 2006|09:40 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	complacent	]
[	Current Music	\|	You Give Me Something- James Morrison	]

The start of something new. (pun un-intended)

After the many days and nights of considering the possibilities, opportunities, difficulties, and not to mention the right songs, the High School Musical auditions are finally overrr! I wasn't even aware of all the publicity this was getting, from newspapers to Wazzup Wazzup and stuff. Anwyays,So i obviously finally decided to audition. And after enduring the first auditions and the callbacks, i'm finally part of it. (whee...) for a more detailed and photographic description of it, check out peachy's blog. (hahaha, tamad.) The very first rehearsals were yesterday, and the arrangements of the musical version are a loooot better as compared to the movie version. It will star Karel Marquez as Gabriella, Mako Alonso as Troy, Yen Morada as Sharpey, and Jaime Barcelon as Ryan. So with the rehearsal schedule of 4:30pm to 9pm on weekdays and 9am to 4pm on Saturdays, not to mention the Stages of Love show still running here and there, i've got to warm up my superpowers, for that's exactly what it'll take to get through this until the end of February [cue horror music]. But i'm reeeally excited, it's gonna be such a fun show! And a first experience for me to be working with miss Chari. :)

So, having said that, i should be prepping myself up to work even harder with my academics, but due to the post-exhaustion from last sem's wrath and my recent addiction to Grey's Anatomy and How I Met Your Mother, this is gonna take "a whoooole lotta effort" to a different level,haha.

When life hands you lemons,... (insert preferred ending).

So let's say you love cake. But not just any cake, chocolate cake. Ever since you were a kid, your birthday parties would never be complete without this mouth-watering delight. As you get older, you realize there's more than just one kind of chocolate cake... there's choco sprinkles, choco fudge, choco fudge brownie, white chocolate, cookies and cream, oreo, choco cake with ice cream, mudslide, and so on. So you decide to try them all. Soon, you become a chocolate cake connosieur, but then even if they try and invent new kinds of chocolate cake, you're no longer hyped up in trying them. You then discovered that you are tired of chocolate cake. All your life, you dreamt of finding that one grand flavor that invokes the same grand feeling you've had since you were a kid, but no matter how hard they try to doll it up with fancy packaging, delicious-looking advertisements and sinful sounding names, you remain critical of them. All of them. In the end they're just trying to be better than each other, when often they all taste the same. So how do you tell one from the other? How do you know which one's the real chocolate cake, with the real chocolatey goodness inside?How do you make up your mind? A friend of mine once told me that you can never tell. Chocolate cakes don't come with an anatomy, so all you really have are your instincts. The decision is yours and yours alone...

...If you still can't make up your mind, well then, skip dessert! Hahaha. But jumping over to ice cream in the meantime as the next best thing isn't such a good idea. For one, ice cream's got a lot of different flavors as well. Second, there's the decision of which cone to have it in, or whether you should just put it in a cup. And lastly, there's the number of scoops. Some people get too greedy at the sight of all the flavors that they end up getting too much and end up not finishing them. What a waste of ice cream, tsk,tsk,tsk.

Hay. Stupid cakes and ice creams. They make you fat. hahahaha. This all stemmed from that day when my brother's girlfriend came over and brought us Polly's chocolate cake which, in my opinion, is THE classic chocolatey cake.

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Drops of Jupiter (just 'coz i now like that song)

[Nov. 24th, 2006|12:16 am]

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Current Mood

chipper

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Updates

The past days have been unexpectedly fun. Despite 1 or 2 subjects that don't strike even a caboodle of my fancies, my subjects are pretty interesting.

-Visual communication has taken the place of my intro to drawing and painting class as my Information Design track, and i'm pretty excited! We're going to be able to use the Mac's in school because apparently, we now have a MAC LAB. (yeah,baby!) and i'll finally be able to learn photoshop and flash and all that shtuuuff.
- French is a lot of fun. My friend Cria calls it a "kinky" language, and so with all the nazal sounding stuff, i guess it is. I have a favorite line that i learned just yesterday:
le neuf juillet mille neuf cent quatre vingt sept, pronounced as "le nuf jwiye mil nuf sah katre vah set" which simply means....? = July 9, 1987. :)) when said fast enough, it sounds like you're cursing in French ;)
- Science 10 with Fr. McNamara is a lot of fun. I love his sense of humor, for it keeps me awake in class,hahaha.
- Badminton as my last PE class for the rest of my life is going.....fairly bad. HAHA. the only badminton i've ever played was with my sister during one of the past summers, and as long as you make the shuttlecock go to the other end of the net, that's all that matters to us. But at least i'll lose weight! woohoo!

Hmm. i've been "poverty" for the past couple of weeks. (a term that originally stemmed from mine and peachy's total brokeness, but is apparently getting stuck to my blockmates as well.) Luckily though, we were asked to come up with this Disney performance for Bat Cave, which led to me and a couple of other blue reppers (jill, kakki, vica, oli, shark, and reb) to go sing at SM Sta. Mesa on a tuesday morning. Blue rep had to come up with a 30-minute script (care of mia), and so it turned out to be Anastasia's journey, in which she meets other disney characters along the way like mulan,ariel,pocahontas,timon and pumbaa, and jasmine and aladdin. And all of a sudden i'm anastasia and i had to memorize the script just the night before the actual performance. Hahaha. Well, 1 rehearsal, 1 night of rummaging for costumes, 1 cranky tuesday morning and 1 cut for theology class later, we were at one of the movie theaters in SM and surviving through ad-libs galore. As in i actually did what those people in kiddie parties i feel "ilang" for do: "Hi kids! how are you all doing today? *waiting for a reply, wishing i won't be hearing crickets chirping* Do you want to come with me on my journey? *"yeeeees!* Ok then, let's go!". Bwahaha.And sooo, i earned an extra P1000 for singing Journey to the Past and When You Believe. Yeay! A little less poverty for me.

Inescapable Nostalgia

Congratulate me, for i have not been thinking about....things that i should'nt be thinking about anymore! (jas! kaye! you know what i'm talking about.) I finally decided not to care. I'm learning to be mean,(not that i can't be) and i must say it's exhilerating.haha! So, i've been concentrating on living in the present. As much as possible, i don't wanna reminisce too much about high school or things of the past coz, well, it might break this nice "trance of the present" i'm in and it's emo-izing all over again. Today though, all of my 900+ songs in my ipod got erased (i kinda had to do that or i'd never be able to add new songs again), and so while i was trying to add a few songs, i came across all the videos i've ever taken with my camera. i found videos or our 4th year prom, Avenue Q talent day/rehearsals/bonding sessions, Looney Alley jamming with meynard and sam, goofing around with my "Rewind" bandmates (yes, i was actually part of a "band"),and all sorts of other stuff. I sat there frozen, lpeering into my actual memories, hearing/seeing ME say or do whatever stupid things i was doing. It's soooo much more nostalgic than pictures, haha. I guess it really is inescapable. When very simple things can remind you of someone or something, the entire world is brewing with "portkeys" to the past. But i guess that's what makes it fun... some of the time. I shall upload the videos on multiply soon. You guys haaaaaaaave to see some of them,hehehe.

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Random things to be happy about:	[Nov. 16th, 2006\|08:59 pm]
- The many surprises that a new semester brings. The unexpected teachers, blockmates, activities, etc. - Coming home from a tiring day to a house filled with Christmas decorations. It makes me feel a lot less groggy. - Having your body ache when you climb the stairs, sit down, stand up, and other small physical movements as part of the effects of post P.E. sessions. It only means that i'm finally getting exercise again. - Discovering my new fondness for Kutsinta. - Realizing that I had a Buddhist friend. - Discovering a nice new happy song. - Having people actually say that they want my curly hair.(inyong-inyo na!hahaha) - The smell of Burt's Bees lip balm (how i miss it so!) - Learning French again. - I actually have a class that's gonna teach me photoshop at last!! - Walking through a crowded place and making people notice you even if you're just in jeans and a big shirt. (and NO, i wasn't being weird!) - I have a new crush!! :) hehe, not including the impossible ones like JC Intal and "Neutron", the last one i had was last summer. - Actually getting paid for what i love to do, especially now that i am POVERTY. - Sort-of feeling like a stage mother when we taught our alternates for cast B in Stages of Love. - Hanging out with silly people and being as silly as can be without even trying. - Hanging out with theater folk. Thespians are all the same at some point,haha. blueREP is still love. :)
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One last happy day before school begins

[Nov. 11th, 2006|06:49 pm]

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Current Mood

sick

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Twins' day out part 2

[to those who've read peachy's blog before this, one might experience the sensation of deja-vu :)) ]

Yeayness! Yesterday i met up with Peachy to watch Trumpets' Joseph The Dreamer in Megamall (Thank you jepoy!=) ). We got there early, at around 12:30ish, so we went around hunting for our future happy planners of next year. We conquered National Bookstore, Powerbooks, Egg, Humor Post, and Toy Kingdom (hey, there are a lot of neat stuff in there!), but sadly there were no happy twin planners to be found :( Anyways, when it was finally time, we went to the theater which was surrounded by students who were also watching JTD. Luckily, we were part of the "sponsors" list so we were able to go in first! While in our seats, something fell from Peachy's bag and made a loud clang on the floor, so we both bent down and started looking for whatever it was, waving our cellphones around as a source of light. Suddenly a pair of feet came into view along with a deep-voiced, "uh,excuse me..". Standing next to me wondering what the heck i was doing was Joms and his friend liz! Hahaha. Funny. Well anyway, the show was great! Despite the students who weren't very enthusiastic some of the time, everything was great. Their voices were so nice that i thought they were just lipsynching at first! Hehe, yeay, congratulations jepoy and maita, and the rest of the cast :)

here are some of the happy pictures:

---> JTD tableau!

---> peachy, joms, and liz

---> pink farmers?

---> jepoy and the "son" of joseph :)

---> is this freaky or what?

---> happy feet friends!

Oh. Here's one thing that we decided not to tell people. Buut, Seeing joms and peachy just reminded me of this. And since the whole thing's almost over anyway..... our secret is now finally OUT. This was our closest call to "STARDOM":

:))

Forget regret.... or just quit being so fickle-minded.

Sooo, after roaming around and going into any attractively colored store we saw, peachy, joms and I finally went home. That night though, since tita baby gave my lola tickets to the opening night of The Sound of Music, me, lola, my sister and my two cousins went off to Greenbelt. At the entrance to the theater, i could already feel my heart pounding with agony of not having pushed through with the final auditions. I knew this moment would hit me sooner or later, and well, i guess it was sooner. I could see the families of the cast surrounding me, proudly talking about their kids to one another. Maaan, kill me now!! *sob*

Anyway, luckily Menchu played Maria that night. As usual, she was greaaaaat :) She played opposite Audie Gemora as Capt. Von Trapp, and Cherie Gil was the Baroness. I didn't even know Cherie Gil could sing! But after ushering for Doubt, i have such respect for her. :D Surprisingly, the role of Liesl was played by Vanessa Paoleli, a co-glee club member of mine back in OB! Lucky, lucky girl. Hehe, i knew she got in, but i didn't know she was gonna be Liesl! Aww, well goodjob :) Other alternates for the role are Criselda Consuji and Nicole Yulo. Awww, i wanna see all the casts! Anyway, the play was great. They took out a few things and added in a few songs, but it was nice. Haha, the kids are adorable. Some of them are really all-foreign looking, as they've come from either British School Manila or IS or something. Oh, and i loved the girl who played Brigitta! She reminded me of Hermione Granger with her oh-so British ways ;) The set was really great too. Still i could feel an angry voice of regret yelling at me everytime i'd see the people i auditioned with up there on the stage. Hay nako, well that does it! I WILL audition for REP's Fiddler on the Roof next year! [*oh please don't let some last minute screw up happen before the auditions like it almost always does*]

So i guess that closes my sem-break for this year. That and the fact that i just got sick last night, while IN the theater watching the Sound of Music. A headache, a cold, a sore throat, and only one day away from the start of second semester. Ang saya-saya. Haha.

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(no subject)	[Nov. 9th, 2006\|11:45 am]
Open Auditions for High School Musical POSTPONED to November 25, 2006. Same time, same venue. Spread the word!
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(no subject)	[Nov. 5th, 2006\|11:47 am]
Blue Repertory and Little Boy Productions invite you to... Rehearsals will start November 22, 4:30-9:00 pm, in Ateneo. "High School Musical LIVE!" will be directed by Ms. Chari Arespacochaga and will open on the first week of February 2007, outside Ateneo. For questions, text or call us at 0919-3608974.
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Blessed are those who read through this whole thing.

[Nov. 1st, 2006|11:40 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	contemplative	]
[	Current Music	\|	No Day But Today- RENT	]

This is going to be quite a handfull.

All hell has been temporarily covered up

And finally i have mustered up the courage to write another entry. For some unresolved reason, i feel somewhat scared to blog now more than ever. Maybe it's because of plain ol' laziness, but mostly i think it's coz i'm afraid i won't do the thoughts in my head justice. Everytime i space out, my daydreams turn into these beautiful thoughts that i rarely get around to sharing (mostly coz i forget them after a while), and when i come face to face with the computer screen, my mind goes blank. Poof! goes the had-been wonderful thoughts. But i 'm trying to squeeze what i can, so bear with me. I think i might've forgotten how to write.

Last semester had been one helluva roller coaster ride. The ones with all those loops and drops like the ones in Coney Island or soemthing. I've got myself caught in a mess several times, and i've broken down a couple of times here and there too, although carefully making sure that no onw would see me. Not my family,my friends, no one. I wanted to pull myself out of my own tangled knots for as long as i could help it. But even a stranger would so easily be able to see the huge cry for help written all over my forehead. So for those who unexpectedly showed up or lent a very helpful hand to this dying hobbit, THANK YOU. There was a day when i only slept for 15 minutes, and a whole week where i'd be falling asleep in my classes or even while typing my frickin' paper, and the ever-so embarrassing moment where i violently jerked while napping in the study hall and created a ruckus within those oh-so-silent walls. Argh, it was made even worse because i had no computer and had to do all my work in school, aggravatingly waiting everytime for someone to finish using the computers. And the other unsolved mystery of why no matter how much i burned my eyebrows studying for Asian history, my pre-final grade ended up being a D. Even if i get an A in two subjects, that frickin' D will hinder me from getting into the dean's list. Oh well. Ugh. I'm just glad that that hell sem is overrr. However... the effects of my over-eagerness to accomplish so many things has once again caught up with me when i volunteered to head an entire blueREP event ( i can hear eya's voice in my head, angrily telling me off). Although Forlorn will be heading it with me, i've never done anything close to this before except for the summer garage sale which is nothing compared to this one. I just don't wanna screw it up.

the cards of life

Oddly enough, after a week of freedom, i'm still undergoing studying withdrawals. I'm just so used to the daily routine of coming home, eating dinner, taking a bath and studying till God knows when. Now i find myself just sitting at my study table, looking for something to do. It doesn't really matter what, just as long as it's done there. (Yes, i am aware of how dorky that sounds.) Luckily, we had a weekend getaway to Plantation Bay in Cebu. It's a good thing that most of the people there were foreigners, so no one really paid attention to the stupid things we were doing. (I cannot though, for the life of me figure out why Korean couples just HAVE to be in matching outfits. Every.single.one.of.them.) Speaking of stupid, i stupidly strained my thumb (of all things!) while frantically and "half-asleep-edly" getting out of bed, trying to answer my ringing phone which shut up right when i finally got to it. So i was without a left thumb for most of the time in Cebu. Nevertheless, i was determined to do all the possible activities there was to do in Plantation Bay. Swimming in the freshwater and saltwater pools, went down both the gigantic and kiddie water slides, dove off a rock, belted my lungs out in a cave (unaware that everyone could hear me singing), went kayaking, wall climbing, karaoke-ing, Played table tennis and air hockey, and lazed around in the many glorious jacuzzis. All without a left thumb,hahaha. It wasn't so much those activities that required it though, it was mostly the small things like holding utensils, or changing your clothes or taking a bath that i needed it the most. HAHA.

Anyways. As part of the attempt to do everything i could possibly do in the resort, i went with my sister to madame Luz, the fortune teller with the booth at the side of the pool. Ever since that time when i was 13 or 14 when my mom just spontaneously decided to go to some fortune teller one night, just to see what she'd say, i've been a lot more open-minded to these things. Plus i wanted a follow-up to what the fortune teller in Quiapo told me when she said i was marrying a foreigner. [*snort, snort.*] Anyway, so there i was, sitting in front of a lady with short, bright orange-colored hair, silently provoking her to show me what she's got. The things she said were pretty accurate, the way she described what was going on in my life. Next, she gave me 3 questions to ask silently in my head, and, learning from my sister's fortune which was told before mine, the red colored cards meant "yes". And the answers to ate's questions always seemed to be a "yes". So i learned to phrase my questions with a positive voice, so as to get YES's as well.

First question: will i end up having a career in advertising?, i thought.
"Yes, yes, and yes", said madame Luz as she revealed 3 cards.
Alrighty then! Hmm... next: Will i get married and have a family before i reach 30?, i thought again.
"Yes", she smiled as she opened another 3.
I was on a roll! Hmm, now i had to think of something juicy. Then i remembered those very few episodes i've seen of Desperate Housewives, One Tree Hill, and The OC that i've caught. So, completely forgetting the reminder i told myself earlier to phrase my questions positively, i thought:
will my husband leave me or cheat on me?....
"Yes, yes, and all the way yes!", she announced ecstatically.
"WHAAAT???"

No way. These things might not exactly be true, but one of the things i hate most with a passion are no-good cheaters, and i was not about to accept the fortelling of me being married to one. "Can we do that again?" Later on, during the palm reading part, she let me ask another question and i repeated the same one. The answer remained the same. In my palm she also read that at one point in my life, i was going to have to choose between love and career, and, judging from the many zigzagged lines across my "love line", she said it would probably be best to choose my career instead. Oh great. I just had to go about this weekend adventure so intensely that i let a fortune teller make me believe in one of my worst fears:That i'd probably die alone. But hey, i know that i don't believe in those things, i mean, she said my sister would marry some man in uniform, probably from the army. Well, unless that man turns our to be Josh Groban, Daniel Johns, or Jim Morrison - FAT CHANCE. It's just upsetting and scary though to hear about how your life will go and sorta conditions you to thinking that all of these WILL happen. I guess it's the scary possibility that what she says will somehow be right. I mean, some fortune teller told my mom that when she's 17, her dad would die and she'd get pregnant, and she didn't believe a word of it. Sure enough, a year later my brother was born and not even he was able to meet my mom's dad.

But i won't believe it. I'll keep my faith, if it's the last thing i have.

happy are the ignorant, for they shall never experience the feeling of longing.

So what does one who is on sembreak do when most of the people she's close to are either busy or all have boyfriends or girlfriends? She could wallow in self-pity....or she could do the things she wasn't able to do during all those months of endless studying and dorkifying. In my case, it's a combination of both. Simply because no matter what i'm doing, my thoughts tend to linger and always end up thinking of what i want. I started reading the Alchemist again since i'd pretty much forgotten most of it, but it was getting me really emo so i decided to watch Rent again, for the sake of the songs ans stuff. Wrong move, Patricia. DOI, it's RENT, it's bound to set you off into a whirlwind of emotional disaster. And sure enough, that's exactly what it did. Ugh.

'The Alchemist' says, "When you want something really bad, the world conspires in helping you to get it". Do i actually believe in that saying? The extra cynical part of me thinks otherwise. But then, again it made me think of the neverending question: What do i want? Several things come to mind, but only one constantly appears and re-appears even in my dreams. The few dreams that i remember, i remember because it contains this want. This want that will not go away, despite all the defense mechanisms i try to set out to deal with it. This want in something so bad, that no amount of happy thoughts will make it go away, because it is my happy thought. It is my neverland. And i'm starting to gather cobwebs waiting around for it to get to me. Ever since this year started, i've been all about trying to find that missing portion of my so-called life, tryng new things and taking big leaps. Even if i get hurt, i just want to experience it coz i want it so bad. but even that dignity-selling stint didn't work. All around me i see them forming and happening, while i sit and watch from the sidelines waving banners of encouragement and lending ears to hear them rant about this and that. Well my arms are starting to feel like jello, and i've only got 2 ears. 2 very tired ears that are almost going deaf. When can i be the one out there? I feel so restless, trying to find a way out of these mixed up thoughts, knowing that i must have some greater purpose. And i keep wanting and wanting something more.

Now i know how you feel.

"I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had... someone to live for; unafraid to say I Love You." - RENT.

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Sige na ngaaa....

[Sep. 25th, 2006|02:38 pm]

[

Current Mood

lazy

]

Long tests left and right. Final projects overlapping one another. Activities, reports, papers, hundreds of readings and bladibladibla. I've heard of "hell week", but "hell MONTH" is the more appropriate term. HOLY KAMOTE, i miss my blog!!!!
Anyhoo, i'm supposed to be doing a paper for comm right now, but i thought, "Sige na ngaa...for old times' sake, i'll procrastinate through blogging! " Buuuut , now that i'm here, I feel like a stranger to my own supposed-place-of-freedom. So i'll just go with the plain 'ol updates. this'll be quick:

-Congratulations to the BlueREP dancers (aka "the bestest dancers in the universe") for winning the CADS inter-org competition!! It was so amazing,haha! :) and a BIG congratulations to CADS! woohooo! In the middle of the concert, i actually wanted to give up singing/theater and just learn how to dance. Crush ko na kayong lahat!! ;)

- Our computer totally crashed because of a virus that I (gulp) apparently brought home through my USB that got "contaminated" by the computers in school. Whoops. So now, not only do we have no internet, we have absoulutely no computer. And so, all my work has to be done in school. I might as well live here too. *toink*

- STAGES got the rights to stage High School Musical before us :-( but oh well, we'll see what happens :)

- Can i just say, ever since i stopped having running for PE and since I don't have any rehearsals, i'm turning into a big fat pig! Nyaaaargh!

- I actually went to my first Ateneo party and totally defied every rule of drinking that i've been bestowed upon ever since i was 13. I mean, i've always controlled myself....but seeing as it was my "anniversary" and other stuff, ayun. But just that one time. I just wondered what it was like to be a little irresponsible for once. Well, at least i learned never to do that when things are waiting to be done! And oh maaaaan, do I hate the hang-overs. but hey, I'M NOT A LUSH, I SWEAR! I'm the least-lushiest one in the family!!!

-And finally....because of updating and multiplying and surfing the net that i miss oh so much, now have 1 and a half hours to write my frickin' Comm paper. (as opposed to my supposed 5-hour plan). Now i remember what procrastinating-via-blogging feels like. :p

The University of Blogging

Presents to
tricia

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Cutting

Majoring in
Emo

Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

*back to work mode*

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(no subject)

[Sep. 8th, 2006|11:55 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	Rizal Library in AdMU	]
[	Current Mood	\|	lethargic	]

Goodness. i've been gone for a whole month and there's just too frickin much to say that i can't even get started. Well, first of all, just to explain my previous entry.... So, under the very convincing will of Charmie, i ended up with the uber spontaneous decision of auditioning for REP's Sound of Music, even if i knew i probably wouldn't be able to do it because of school and transpo and other things. well, i got to pass the first 2 auditions (despite me forgetting the lyrics and screwing up the dance auditions) but i decided not to go to the 3rd one anymore since i knew i wouldn't be able to commit to it. Oh Bugger. Nyargh.

Anyways,I will update, as in REALLY update soon. Happy birthsary to me and joee today. :) ah yes, what a day today is. (labo)

~mentally-intoxicated-and-still-half-asleep-tricia

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(no subject)

[Aug. 15th, 2006|10:58 pm]

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Current Mood

confused

]

"It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting." -Paolo Coelho

All our lives, we search for that one thing that could give us that sense of accomplishment and ultimate happiness. All those emo nights spent yearning for that something has become somewhat of an unconscious ritual until the day that you finally find it. So....

What do you do when you suddenly find yourself face to face with something you've always wanted?

To complicate things, what do you do when you find yourself caught between two things (or several) that you really, really want, but just can't have all? How do you know which road to take when your choices look equally tempting, and you don't think you have the stregth to give up the other? Where does ambition start and ideology end? WHERE IS MY BRAIN??

At the start of college, i had so many things I wanted to do but wasn't able to in my freshman year. So when this sem started, i was set on finally getting to do some of them. And well, now they're all starting to catch up with me, and there's no escaping them.

Sigh, sigh, sigh. If only.

PS: I won't be having internet at home for a month, and updating in school like this won't happen to often. So tricia will be slightly be on a Leave of Absence for some time. Merci.

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iPod Survey

[Aug. 6th, 2006|07:18 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	ditzy	]
[	Current Music	\|	World Upon Your Shoulders- Silverchair	]

Taken from Liza, who got it from Alexa :)

How it goes:

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!

1. How are you feeling today?
Hidden Agenda by Craig David
-"he's a fly guy acting like a gentleman..." haha, well that's not really what i'm feeling/thinking about today.

2. Will you get far in life?
Wreck of the Day by Anna Nalick
- "If this is giving up, then i'm giving up". Gee, I guess that's a big NO...?

3. How do your friends see you?
Take me or Leave me, from Rent
- haha, maybe not. Ako nga daw yung "mahinhin" eh.

4. Will you get married?
You Know Where to Find Me by Matthew West
- "if you ever need me, you know where to find me, i will be waiting where i've always been...right by your side" . Haha, pwede.

5. What is your best friend’s theme song?
Everyone's a Little Bit Racist, from Avenue Q
- HAHAHAHAHA!!!

6. What is the story of your life?
Your Winter by Sister Hazel
- "I won't be your winter, i won't be anyone's excuse to cry" Hmm...that should be the song FOR me,not OF me.

7. What was high school like?
No One Mourns the Wicked, from Wicked
- we were NOT wicked during highscool!! ... minsan lang,hehehe.

8. How can you get ahead in life?
Sayang Naman by Nina
- Great. Even my ipod is pitying me.

9. What is the best thing about your friends?
3 am by Matchobx 20
- Yes, we would be there for each other even at 3 am.

10. What is today going to be like?
Thank Goodness, from Wicked
- Yes, thank goodness coz i've had 12 hours of sleep today! ;)

11. What is in store for the weekend?
Vienna by Billy Joel
- Ok, now that's impossible.

12. What song describes you?
Missing You by Brandy and Tamia
- "I'm so empty inside, and the tears i can't hide". How sad is that?! Well yes, since i do miss a whoOoOole lot of people.

13. To describe your grandparents?
Friendship by Tenacious D
- "Oh S*** there's a bear, can you hand me that shotgun baby, also that chair..." Ok, that's hilarious.

14. How is your life going?
At the Beginning
- "life is a road and i want to keep going, love is a river i want to keep flowing, life is a road, now and forever wonderful journey" .... :D

15. What song will they play at your funeral?
Kung Ok lang Sa 'Yo by True Faith
- if someone waits till i'm dead to confess something like this, i'd come back to life just to kill the person.

16. How does the world see you?
Knocks Me Off My Feet by Stevie Wonder
- Naks naman ;)

17. Will you have a happy life?
Wherever You Will Go by The Calling
- I guess so..?

18. What do your friends really think of you?
Runaway Run by Hanson
- "Maybe someday I will find someone to runaway [to].." aww, yay friends, runaway to me :)

19. Do people secretly lust after you?
Gethsemane, from Jesus Christ Superstar
- ""I only want to say, if there is a way, take this cup away for i don't want to taste it's poison". HAHAHAHA.

20. How can I make myself happy?
Down Once More, from The Phantom of the Opera
- "Down once more to the dungeons of my black despair,down we plunge to the prison of my mind...." What the heck?!

21. What should you do with your life?
All I Have to Give by the Backstreet Boys
- I should give my life to someone?? Sorry, not applicable!

22. Will you ever have children?
When There Was You and Me, from Highschool Musical
- "It's funny when you find yourself looking from the outside...Why did i let myself believe miracles could happen?" OH GREAT. that is so sad. No wonder number 20's answer is the way it is! i'm gonna turn into some depressed old maid!!

Haha, Liza, I planned on taking this test kasi akala ko maaaliw ako, but it's just making me depressed! ;) I guess it's trying to get me to friggin stop procrastinating. Sigh. *returns to homework*

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Je suis tres fatigue

[Aug. 3rd, 2006|10:02 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	exhausted	]
[	Current Music	\|	What I've Been Looking For- Highschool Musical	]

Annoying problems with our computer (especially the friggin' mouse) plus super busy-ness and laziness has kept me away from my blog from some time now. But anyways, i'm back!! Bear with me, this'll probably be long.

The past 2 weeks have been so...so....*insert word*. Unpredictable and really indescribable but in a good way, even though my brain's capacity to remember even the simplest or often-used words are lower than usual. Brain lag, much! All this memorizing of the history of India, Pyschology, reports and what-not's are making the rest of my brain lag behind for like,oh i dunno,....DAYS. Let's have a re-cap, shall we?

Friday
I only had one class which was at 1:30 pa, but i went to school at 8am to research for my Sociology and Anthropology paper proposal. Spent most of the time staring at the lines from the books and not actually processing what i was reading. A little more, and I would've fallen asleep with my eyes open. Spent the rest of the day walking around with some blockmates, waiting for 4:30 for AJMA's first general assembly which was also going to be a concert televised by Myx, only to find out that it was cancelled due to...er, problems.(Congratulate me, i have another org that i actually plan to be active in!) Soooo, i called to be picked up already but the car was still in makati, so it would probably get to me at around 5. Wrong-O! thanks to the rain, it took much longer than that. I sat and waited at the benches for an hour, so extremely close to falling asleep next to this highschooler. Luckily, i saw jill and found out it was the auditions pala for the newbie play, so i went up only to see the first 2 people audition before the car finally came. Ga-reeeeat. I got home at 7, rushed to finish my research proposal which i had to send to my teacher by that night, ate dinner, and at 9 my cousins and their "lady friends" came over for our monthly "cousininity", a.k.a. drinking session. Somewhere between sober and not so sober, i sneaked away from my cousins and headed for the computer to really finish my paper na. I had to get up at 5:30 the next day pa for NSTP, but I felt too shy to leave them too early. So i decided that when i got sleepy na, i would retire to go to bed. Uhhhh.... turns out that was around 2:30am. (kamusta naman ako?!)

Saturday
Woke up at 5:30 with my head feeling heavier than my bed. Pressured by our formator, i knew i had to hurry though because she said the jeep we'd take to go to the area left at exactly 7:15. I got to school at 7 sharp (halleluiah), and went to the corn fields where all the jeeps were,as instructed. Me, eya and justine didn't know exactly where to go, so we stayed where most of the people were on one side of the corn field. At 7:15, we started wondering why nothing was happening yet. Seeing that our beadle was still where we were and our formator nowhere to be found, we decided to look around for them. As we got to the other side of teh corn field, we saw 3 jeeps quietly exit the Ateneo. Yes. You guessed it. A whole lot of us were left by our jeeps. Good morning, starshine!! Some time later, 2 jeeps came back for us, but miss formator was mad as ever and really aggravated my already lousy feeling. when we finally got back to school, i decided to buy lunch, and as fate should have it, my order was the last to be cooked even though i was one of the firsts to order. I then decided to pass the time in the library, waiting and waiting and waiting. At 2:30, me and a couple of the Stages of Love cast went to Coffee Beanery in Banawe for a show. (the re-rerun of SoL). With my stomach and head reeling, an even tighter space and extreme nervousness, we performed for a not-so easy to please crowd. After was the cast party with the yummiest food ever, then finally went home at 9pm and slept for etermity. (or at least as long as i could).

Sunday
Woke up at 2pm (loooovely) to find out that we were watching Lady in the Water with my dad in Alabang. Despite the awfully dreary weather, i was just glad to finally get to see a movie again. During dinner, LA texts saying that her friend who watched Stages of Love before was asking for 3 of the couples for the Orange and Lemons video shoot for the next day and call time was at 4:30 am in Cubao. I actually planned to take a cab at 4 am to get there. How pathetic am I?? Luckily, the call time was moved to 7:30 am. The theme was 1950's, and, worried that I wouldn't be able to find anything, I stopped by my cousin's house to raid her closet. Got home at 11pm, tried to find a decent outfit and prepare other stuff, and ended up sleeping at 2. Here we go again...

Monday
Woke up at 6:30 am on a supposed holiday for all ateneans due to the feast of St. Ignatius. We rushed to get to Butter Diner in Araneta center in the early morning traffic and pre-Henry weather. Turns out almost the whole SoL cast was there, even though they only needed 3 couples. (bluereppers talaga,haha) So there we were, all dressed in the 1950's and stuff, with our heads feeling extremely heavy from the extreme lack of sleep. Hahaha i dowanna spoil the video, but it was really fun experiencing the whole thing! You get to see the life you'd have if you decide to get into the business. One of the girls doing our makeup (who also came from Ateneo....actually, a lot of the people there were from ateneo too!) hadn't slept for 48 hours. But that's teh reality of it all, and despite all that, it still seemed fun. Oh yeah, i realized that one of the directors was Ian Marasigan's older brother. No wonder he looked so familiar! Me and Mikey were contemplating pa if it really was his brother or not,hahaha. Anyhoo, there. It was a lot of fun but all seemed so hazy later on since I felt like i was i the state between asleep and awake, and couldn't really let it sink in. Looootsa fun though, watch out for the video! (Chiara, your shoes are now famous,hahaha. Thanks for lending them!) Oh and friends, sana hindi niyo ako itatakwil pag nakita niyo yung video, hahaha.

Haaaaay. The next days after that were pretty much the same in a sense that I still had to wake up early and do so much things with only half my brain functioning. The other half eventually refused to wake up. The coming weeks are pretty packed too, with our Sagala ng mga Sikat parade for Filipino 14 coming up in just 2 weeks, and us not having started the arc or anything. As for the neverending run of Stages of Love.... we'll be having another run on August 19 for Assumption College and Missy Maramara's English/Lit class. Teachers actually required their students to watch! hahaha. So that'll be the re-re-rerun. Then there's rumors of having another one in September since someone approached bluerep about it, and yet another next year for Valentine's day. Holy Bananas. I never thought SoL would be THAT big a hit (o.0)

Hay, well it's quarter to 11 and i've still much to do. And so begins my neverending cycle again of sleeping for just about 4 to 5 hours a day. What I would give for a time-stopper!!! ;p

"Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.''
- Alice in Wonderland

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Waiting for life's next fairytale	[Jul. 25th, 2006\|01:24 am]
The cutest song I have ever met, as of now. :) I had the pleasure of meeting it last night, when me,my mom, my sister and brother were all enjoying the cold weather from my mom's balcony, drinking and talking "of ships and shoes and ceiling wax, of cabages and kings." The meoldy and tune of it instantly whisps me away to my make-believe world, creating a little spot for itself there. I wish i could play it on guitar! But 'til then, it'll be my happy thought :) Weeee... The Waltz By Silje Nergaard Strike up the band, let it play Love songs to haunt me, And I will stay But when it comes to the waltz both words and music Will ring false For you walltzed in and spun my world Around in dizzy dance, I swirled and suddenly you waltzed away from me Those violins, they must go Some old careless hand With a bow They play on the strings of my heart And make me remember How lovers part How you waltzed in and spun my world Around in dizzy dance, I swirled And suddenly you waltzed away from me Strike up the band, let it play Whatever it chooses And I will stay Play me a waltz if you will I'll sit here and listen, Waiting until My love returns to take my world and spin it once, in dizzy swirl Where girl loves boy and boy loves girl And feet don't touch the ground
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(no subject)

[Jul. 18th, 2006|08:38 pm]

[

Current Mood

blank

]

hajkgfjkagfuagjfgauigfjabg.

Today was a happy day. For once, i wasn't caught in the early morning traffic that surrounds and takes place in the ateneo, (curse tuesdays and thursdays!) and therefore, I was not late for 7:30 Filipino class. Everything else today went pretty ok too, and coming home while there was still daylight made me feel a lot less cranky. Forgive my mood swings, people. :(

So....because today went better than usual, i am not going to let IT bother me today. IT will not destroy me. Today, i'll be bigger than it.

*gets up on feet

leaps up into the air

flies a million miles back down

and into the nursery.*

No more make-believe. I'm awake.

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Angst I never knew I had

[Jul. 13th, 2006|10:13 pm]

[

Current Mood

sore

]

At long last, i'm back.

So how does it feel to be 19? Well, pretty much the same, but busier. School and rehearsals have been squeezing me dry, so i haven't really been able to blog although so much has been happening. Stages of Love was a hit and a blast, and it opened a lot of opportunities for blueREP. SM megamall hired us to perform, and my tita who teaches at Assumption College might hire us to bring the show there as well. And also, I keep giving myself responibilities by accident. How I become in charge of this and that, i will never know. It's no wonder my sickness never seems to die down!What's worse is that we just had our 1 mile run yesterday for PE in the friggin rain without warming up or cooling down. The result: my lower body aches like anything.

I want to do soooo many things, but time will always and forever be against me. It's not fair, by the time Lea Salonga was my age, she was already in Miss Saigon! ;( and dreams I've had are starting to change, so know I'm not sure what to do, or what i want to do. I wish college lasted for more than 4 years. It'll probably take much longer than that for me to finally figure stuff out. Siiiiiigh. And ahhh, yes. I am once again suffering from writer's block. A million things i want to say gone down the drain again. And also due to the fear of what i say being misinterpreted again.

Oh what the hey. Let's do it.

A few things i just want to let out of my system. After all, i'm 19 and am still entitled to a bit of teenage angst, right?

1. To you whose company and friendship i used to treasure so much... it's sad that you weren't who i hoped you were, and that i must be the only one who really sees past you. Sometimes i just wish you'd worry about people other than yourself, and be a tad more sensitive to what others are feeling. I'm not the first, y'know.
2. To you who i spent everyday with for 2 straight months, yapping and ranting senselessly about anything under the sun...one day we'll find what we've been looking for, but till then i'm always here. i miss you.
3. To you who's seen me transform from little miss prim-and-proper to the incredible hulk countless times, taken the full blow of my wrath and tantrums and what-not's... although we're far away i hope you know i'm always here for you. Please don't drown yourself too much in responsibilities that aren't even yours in the first place, therefore causing too much stress. I guess that's our common sickness, hehe. I must admit i felt a little bad about last week... i just missed you,that's all. And i know that some of your stress is really unnecessary. Don't murder yourself please! >;p
4.To you whom I used to look forward to hanging out with and talking to so much... I thought you'd be different. You can do so much better than that.
5. To you who's made me lose more and more of my sanity with each day for the last 2 years in both good and bad ways... I wish you'd know what you want. There are things we can change and some we really can't. I hope you're not just torturing yourself, and me as well. I'm waking up fast.
6. To you who knows me and what i want more than anyone else ever will... I still am trying to be as patient as ever, but please don't let it end in vain. I'm still keeping you in charge.

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Dot.dot.dot.

[Jun. 25th, 2006|05:32 pm]

[

Current Mood

quixotic

]

When life brings you face-to-face with challenges, there are always decisions to be made.Your mind opens up and gallons of questions come pouring in.Undeniable and inevitable questions that can't just be ignored, for they'll just get louder and louder until it takes over your brain and it's all you can hear.

Right now, my insides are thumping.

Will i EVER live a peaceful life?

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(no subject)	[Jun. 18th, 2006\|10:17 pm]
blueREP presents - Ateneo Blue Repertory kicks off its 15th year with an intimate musical act that is sure to warm the hearts of audiences as it explores and recalls the joys of precious first kisses, nerve-wracking first dates and epic first loves. An amalgamation of well-loved OPM hits, Broadway classics and contemporary favorites that have come to touch our hearts through the years, STAGES OF LOVE follows the story of 5 couples as they journey through the crazy, entangled complexities of relationships and eventually discover their own definitions of love. With musical arrangement and direction by Rony Fortich, currently a musical director of Hong Kong Disneyland and the man behind the musical direction of Actor's Actor's Inc.'s "Once On This Island," and Trumpets’ “Honk” and “Noah’s Big Boat,” STAGES OF LOVE was originally conceptualized as a concert that featured musical theater artists, Roy Rolloda, Lana Jalosjos, Noel Rayos, and Jennie Nuyda. **************************************************** Show Details: June 30 / July 1 / July 7 / July 8 5pm & 7pm Venue: Fine Arts Theater 3rd Floor Gonzaga Building Ateneo de Manila University Tickets at just PhP 100 each! Text or call Rana at 0919-9155967 for inquiries. PLEASE watch, dearest friends!! Here's a role that I've never quite played before. Not fully, anyways. Hehe. Please do come! :)
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Of Pensive Things.(revised)

[Jun. 15th, 2006|12:47 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	tired	]
[	Current Music	\|	In My Life- The Beatles	]

Somehow i feel distant towards this blog. I haven't been writing much and i don't know if it's coz i'm too lazy or because i'm actually afraid to. Afraid because I don't know what's gonna come out. Afraid that i won't be able to do the words or wonderful thoughts justice. I've stopped writing, as in really writing probably when i was 15. I remember starting a story at the back of my old music notebook when i was 13. It was based on a dream i had, and since it was summer, i had a lot of time to write it. But then lots of other things started to happen, so i only could continue the story every summer. At the margins of the pages, i wrote down the date and what age i was, and i could see it change from 13 to 14 to 15 as i flipped through the pages. Finally, when i reached 16, i remembered about it again, but then the notebook had accidentally been thrown when our room had been renovated, and the story of the dream became a huge blur anyways. It was such a waste of a good story. It's rare that i get to remember dreams, and although i can't very well remember this one anymore, i remember that it was beeyootiful... something about an island. Well, now i get the best ideas when i'm just randomly staring out into space, but then the moment i think, "i gotta remember this for my journal!", POOF! there it goes, back into the air from wence it came from. Wish i had a watchamacallit like Dumbledore where he could store all his thoughts in and just go back to it for reference every now and then. What's it called again?? Ahh yes. A pensieve. Wonderful things, those pensieves are.

Speaking of dreams. As i've mentioned earlier, i hardly have dreams that I remember. Most of the time, as soon as my eyes open, any memory of a dream just vanishes. But quite recently i actually remembered one: I was with someone in a big empty room with a high ceiling and lots of windows. (let's put the person under the name of "person X") It was nighttime, and me and person X were sitting down, eating McDonald's take-out food and talking while light from the moon outside was shining in (how dramatic.) Then I lyed down on his lap and we started turning around and around on the floor, like the special effects of some movie. All of a sudden, person Y comes in, and i couldn't care less. All i know is that i was happy. Happy than i've ever been in a while. And what creeps me out is that persons X and Y are people i actually know, and I really don't want to see either of them in that way... anymore, anyway. It's just weird because person Y just keeps appearing in my dreams. Even though "it" isn't the "star" of the dream or anything, "it" just HAS to be in there, even if "it" just plays an extra or whatever. Well, this mind's made up! I threw away the key. (cue music!)

BUUUUT....speaking of dreams, i just had one that recently came true! I FINALLY got to have a picture taken with Lea Salonga. I've seen her in person quite a few times, but could never muster up enough courage to actually ask her for a picture. Well.... this time was no different. Hahaha. But many thanks to Chari Arespacochaga who asked her for us after ushering for "DOUBT", we got it ;)

[ Arrggh. the pics dowanna be posted here. See them here instead.]

Anyways.

My supposed 2-week vacation before school starts is non-existent now. Rehearsals for Stages of Love began right after summer class, without a moment to spare, so i still end up going to school everyday. So i techincally only had the 2 weeks before summer class as my summer vacation. Ahh, what fun. But it actually has been a lot of fun, i hate being idle for more than 2 or 3 days knowing that there's nothing to do. Plus ushering and rehearsals are a lot of fun. :D (although half my body's aching from it.)

SURVEY.

WHAT BE THE STORY...

1. Of your name?
- My Grandfather always made my mom and dad first consult a fortune teller before naming their kid to make sure it would bring the child and the family good luck or whatever. When my mom had me, she just decided to screw that and name me whatever she wanted. Hence, Patricia Isabel.

2. Of your parents?
- They met in highschool. My dad pretended his name was "Mic" after Mic Jagger of The Rolling Stones. They both loved music. He fell in love with her voice. My mom was 17 and my dad 20 when they got married.

3. Of your last bday?
- Beach party where all of us wore white. :)

4. Of your first love?
- Sweet beginnings and bitter endings.

5. Of your room?
- Almost everything has 2 versions: one for my sister, and one for me; very colorful and happy :D

6. Of last Christmas?
- I actually don't recall much. but I remember being disappointed coz i wanted there to be tingly,happy,childlike feelings of christmas all over, but it didn't come.

7. Of last Valentines day?
- Wore black on protest. Looney Alley rehearsals.

8. Of your current clothes?
- My favorite perriwinkle pambahay shirt that used to be my sister's, and striped pink,blue and purple shorts.

9. Of the 1st time u saw your crush?
- Of the most recent crush: in class, hehe.

10. Of you and your best friend/s?
- she was MY BULLY. hehehehe.

11. Of the last place you went to?
- Starbucks in Katipunan for the Stages of Love photoshoot (haha, weirdos.)

12. Of the last time you cried
- Hmm....probably watching some movie. Can't remember what though.

13. Of your greatest achievement so far?
- Getting through my first year of college in Ateneo :p

14. The last movie you watched?
- Take the Lead with mumsy :) Made me sooo wanna learn how to dance!

15. Tag.
- Jas.Peachy.Eina.Pearl.Ate Hogi.Gela.Mikey.

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